


It Wasn't Him, It Was Her

by Queerdinary, RedPandaPrincess



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:08:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Queerdinary/pseuds/Queerdinary, https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedPandaPrincess/pseuds/RedPandaPrincess
Summary: What if it wasn't Chakotay Seven had been exploring on the Holodeck?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Completed with the help of the wonderful Queerdinary! I believe together she and I have achieved Perfection!  
> ~RedPandaPrincess

 

It wasn't Chakotay.

It had never been Chakotay.

When Seven had created her Holodeck program to explore interpersonal relationships, to explore what could be, what she wished could be...she had programmed her real romantic interest to change their form to Commander Chakotay in the event that anyone else activated the program...or in the event of a medical emergency, like when she'd collapsed.

It wasn't Chakotay who had come to her quarters on the Holodeck. It was the captain. Or a holographic representation of her.

Kathryn had come to her quarters bearing a housewarming gift – a painting of a field full of red flowers.

“Poppies,” Kathryn said as Seven admitted the painting. “I remember you said red is your favorite color.”

“It is. It's beautiful, Captain. Thank you.”

“Kathryn. We're off duty, we can drop the formalities.”

“Yes Kathryn,” Seven said, tasting the name aloud. When the auburn-haired woman smiled at her, Seven's heart fluttered.

“My sister, Phoebe, painted this. She's quite the artist.”

“She is,” Seven agreed. “I believe I will hang it...here.”

She stepped up on the bed and hung the painting.

“The uniform looks good on you by the way,” Kathryn said and Seven looked down to see the auburn haired woman watching her fondly.

“Th-thank you,” she said.

Kathryn offered a hand and helped her step down from the bed.

“You've come a long way, Seven. I'm very proud of you,” Kathryn said, the words that the former drone longed to hear. “I hope to see more of your progress.”

“You shall,” Seven said.

“Goodnight, Seven.”

“Kathryn. You may know I've taken an interest in culinary science. I thought I might prepare a meal for you tomorrow. You could evaluate my progress.”

“I'd be happy to.”

“19:00?”

“I'll bring the wine. And the furniture,” she joked.

“Then you accept?”

“It's a date.”

Seven knew it wouldn't be that easy to get the real Kathryn to accept a date. She knew it would be impossible. But she had wanted to explore the possibility. The fantasy.

 

It was far more fulfilling than she had expected. Dinner with the holographic Kathryn had gone wonderfully. After dinner they had sat on the couch, sipping wine and talking easily, laughing together, enjoying each others company until they'd fallen asleep on the couch, cuddled together.

They'd had several successful dates. When they kissed, Seven found it even more amazing than seeing the Omega molecule stabilize. Even though she knew it was a hologram and not the real Kathryn...

But then Voyager had nearly been destroyed. Because Seven hadn't been at her post. Her puerile fantasies on the Holodeck had nearly caused the destruction of everything and everyone she cared about. The captain – the _real_ captain – had questioned her, scolded her. Seven had been forced to lie to her about her activities on the Holodeck.

So she put an end to things. If she wanted the _real_ captain to be happy, she needed to be at her post. Not indulging in her Holodeck fantasy.

But then she'd gone back to the Holodeck to put an end to things with holo-Kathryn. Some foolish desire for closure. And the holo-Kathryn had argued with her decision. So much like the real captain would. And her cortical node had shut down. She'd been forced to call the Doctor for help and the holo-Kathryn had transformed into Chakotay.

It had never been Chakotay.

 

 

Kathryn stood in Cargo Bay 2, watching Seven regenerate. The ship was out of danger and Kathryn had gone to the Holodeck, curious to see what Seven had been working on. She wasn't surprised to find it wasn't a gravimetric array. She'd known Seven was lying to her. She _had_ been surprised to find a holographic representation of her First Officer.

She'd known right away something wasn't right. No way Seven was interested in Chakotay. _No way_.

So she'd done a little digging. She'd gotten quite adept at decrypting Borg algorithms over the last few years, particularly Seven's. She cracked the code and turned to see the frozen image of Chakotay shimmer then be replaced by herself. Only not herself. This Kathryn wore a black dress and heels that the captain never would have considered wearing...but had to admit it looked damn good.

She'd run the playback on the simulation and saw herself kissing Seven, wrapped in a loving embrace. Her heart ached at the sight.

It ached now as she watched the beautiful blonde regenerate. Knowing that they both wanted the same thing. She had never dreamed, never dared to hope...

“Regeneration Cycle Complete,” the computer said and Seven's blue eyes opened. Her eyes focused on Kathryn as she stepped out of the alcove.

“Captain,” she said slowly. “Do you require my assistance?”

“Not exactly. I was wondering if you'd like to have dinner with me?”

Seven's pale face paled even more. She turned away from the captain and went to her console.

“No thank you,” she said curtly. “I am busy.”

“I didn't mean right now, Seven,” she said, walking over to her.

Seven didn't speak as she punched commands into the computer.

“Please, Seven?”

The blonde hesitated, letting her hands fall to her sides.

“Very well,” she said reluctantly.

“19:00?” Kathryn asked. “My quarters?”

“Acceptable, Captain. Can I bring anything?”

“Just yourself. And no uniforms, Seven. I know you have other clothes. Maybe a dress?” she suggested, remembering the red dress she'd seen on the Holodeck.

“Yes Captain,” Seven said and Kathryn turned to go. “Captain?”

“Seven?”

“Is this...a date?” she asked uncertainly.

“I suppose it is,” she said with a smile. “I'll see you at 19:00, Seven.”

Then she left before the Borg could change her mind.

 

 

Seven paced outside the captain's quarters. She was wearing a pale blue dress, her hair was down, her bangs pulled back with a clip. She was nervous, far more nervous than she had been on the Holodeck. Because she knew it couldn't work. Even if Kathryn wanted this and she wanted this...

She sighed heavily and pressed the door chime. The door opened and Kathryn stood there, wearing the black dress Seven had created for her Holodeck character. Seven felt the blood drain from her face. _She knows..._

“Seven come in. You look beautiful,” Kathryn said as she walked through the doors.

Seven looked around. There were covered dishes on the table. The room was dark, lit by candles.

“This is a mistake,” Seven said, turning towards the door.

“No, Seven, it's not,” Kathryn said, putting a hand on her arm.

“You know. About the Holodeck simulations.”

“I do. Seven-”

“This is a bad idea, Captain.”

“Kathryn.”

“ _Captain_. This is a bad idea. It cannot work. It's bad for the ship.”

“I know you think that, honey, but-”

“Don't,” Seven whispered, pulling away from her. She went and sat on the couch, feeling overwhelmed with sadness. She couldn't stand to hear the captain call her by a term of endearment, couldn't stand to see that look of affection in her eyes. Gray eyes she had come to love so much...

“Seven, listen to me...I know you're scared – worried,” she said quickly, seeing Seven frown. “I know you're worried but I've thought this through. I've wanted this for a while, Seven, probably longer than you have. I never thought you would...never thought you _could_ feel the same about me. When I saw us on the Holodeck-”

“It is irrelevant!” Seven said forcefully.

“It's not,” Kathryn insisted, sitting next to her and taking her hand. “Seven...I care about you. A lot. More than I care about anyone else on this ship. There's no use denying that.”

“Our being together could be dangerous to Voyager. When I was running my simulations I neglected my duties, neglected my regeneration cycles, and I put this ship in danger.”

“Do you think I would let you do that, Seven? This the _real_ me, not some Holodeck recreation. I'm not going to let you harm yourself or neglect your duties because I can't neglect _mine_. Do you understand?” she asked, putting her other hand on Seven's face. She stroked her cheek gently with her thumb and Seven felt her face grow warm.

“Please, Seven. Let's give this a chance,” Kathryn whispered, drawing her face closer.

“I...I can't,” she said, putting her fingers to Kathryn's lips. I want to, but...there is a Borg fail safe. If I kissed you right now my cortical node would shut down.”

“A fail safe?” Kathryn murmured against her fingers.

“If I reach a certain state of emotional arousal, my cortical node shuts down. So...I cannot kiss you, Kathryn. Even though...I want to.”

“Oh honey,” Kathryn said, taking both of her hands in hers. “Isn't there anything the Doctor can do?”

“...A series of complex surgeries with a...difficult recovery. I declined as I was not planning to run anymore Holodeck simulations.”

“I see,” Kathryn murmured, her face falling. She looked down at their clasped hands. Seven did too. Saw the way Kathryn stroked her hand implant gently with her thumb.

“I could...tell him I reconsidered,” Seven said softly.

“It's your decision, sweetheart. I want to give this...whatever this is between us, a chance. If you don't to-”

“I do, Kathryn. I want this,” Seven said, putting her arms awkwardly around the smaller woman. When Kathryn returned her embrace, Seven buried her face in Kathryn's auburn hair and inhaled deeply. This...the hologram hadn't smelled like this. This was her captain, her Kathryn.

“I will talk to the Doctor now,” she said, wanting to kiss her, desperately.

“There's no rush. We can still have dinner, can't we? You won't die?” she teased lightly.

“I think I can manage dinner,” she murmured.

“Then you'll have to stop sniffing my hair.”

Seven pulled away, blushing, but Kathryn was smiling.

“Come on,” she said, taking Seven's hand and getting up. “It took my hours to get this right. The replicator hates me.”

“What did you make?” Seven inquired as Kathryn pulled a chair out for her.

“My mother's famous chicken and dumplings – or a reasonably replicated facsimile I hope,” she answered with a small smile, taking her seat. “And the wine has a really low synthehol content – I know it inhibits your cortical node function.”

“I hate it,” Seven muttered, putting a hand to her temple. “The cortical node, all of these implants. I hate them.”

“I don't,” Kathryn said softly, reaching across the table to take Seven's Borg hand in hers.

“You don't?”

“No. They're part of you, Seven. I think...I think they're beautiful.”

“I think you are beautiful, too, Kathryn,” she said with a small smile, picking up her spoon.

 

They talked comfortably while they ate, of Voyager and the crew. They stayed at the table for a while after they were finished, still talking.

“Let's take our wine to the couch, my back is killing me,” Kathryn said, standing up and stretching. She grimaced as her back popped.

“Are you okay, Kathryn?” Seven asked, concerned.

“Don't worry about me, I'm fine. Just a little sore from being tossed around by those warheads the other day.”

“I am sorry I abandoned my post when you needed me,” Seven said remorsefully as they sat. “It will not happen again.”

“I know it won't honey.”

“I like it when you call me that,” Seven said, her cheeks flushing slightly. The wine was making her feel pleasantly warm and a little fuzzy.

“You're cute when you blush,” Kathryn said with a smile and sipped her wine. “Did the Doctor say how long the procedure would take?”

“No, only that it would be several procedures and a long recovery.”

“I'll be there for you, if I can. If you want me to. During the surgeries and while you recover,” Kathryn said, taking Seven's hand in hers.

“I would like that,” Seven said with a smile. “Unless you are needed on the Bridge.”

“Of course,” she agreed. “Do you want me to go with you to talk to the Doctor tonight?”

“That's not necessary. I will hail you and let you know what he says. I know you are tired and it is getting late.”

“Is it?”

“It is 23:18,” Seven confirmed.

“It doesn't feel as if we've been here that long.”

“It does not. Tonight had been...very pleasant, Kathryn. Thank you for being so insistent that I stay,” Seven said, stroking the captain's hand with her finger.

“I'm glad you don't regret it,” she murmured, gazing at her with a look that made the former drone's heart beat faster.

“I should go talk to the Doctor,” Seven said, getting up quickly.

“Seven?” Kathryn asked, standing up as well.

“I want...I wish to kiss you and right now I cannot,” she explained.

“Oh,” she said, taking Seven's hands in hers again. She brought Seven's hands to her lips and kissed them both, human and Borg. Seven gasped softly, then wrapped her arms around the smaller woman again, burying her face in auburn hair. Kathryn returned her embrace but when Seven felt her small body against hers, her cortical node emit the biofeedback warning.

Reluctantly, she pulled away.

“I can't,” she said remorsefully. “I am reacting more strongly that I ever did to the hologram.”

“I understand, sweetheart,” Kathryn assured her. “go and see the Doctor.”

“I will. Goodnight Kathryn.”

“Goodnight Seven.”

 

Seven entered Sick Bay and the EMH activated automatically.

“Please state the nature of the- oh hello Seven. You look stunning, what's the occasion?” he inquired. Seven looked down at the dress she wore. She'd forgotten she was wearing it. She'd been absorbed in thoughts of Kathryn.

“I wished to discuss the surgical option you presented regarding the fail safe mechanism in my cortical node,” she stated, hands behind her back.

“You've reconsidered?” he asked.

“I have.”

“Did a date with a certain First Officer change your mind?” he asked with a smirk.

“Actually, no. It was not Chakotay. It was never Chakotay. He was...a sort of fail safe I created in the program. My real romantic interest was programmed to transform in to Chakotay in the event anyone else entered the program. He was a...safer choice.”

“Who was your real interest?”

Seven hesitated. Would Kathryn want her to tell anyone? The Doctor was her friend...

“You cannot tell anyone,” she said.

“I didn't tell anyone when I thought it was Chakotay did I?” he asked, offended.

“Not to my knowledge. Very well...It is the captain.”

The Doctor stared at her in shock, mouth hanging open.

“I suppose I shouldn't be surprised,” he said once he recovered. “Does she...return your feelings?”

“She does,” Seven said, pleased.

“Well that's wonderful, Seven!” he said enthusiastically. “I'm happy for you, for _both_ of you.”

“Thank you, Doctor. The surgeries?”

“Oh yes. We can get started first thing in the morning. I've been studying my scans of your cortical array. I think I can get it taken care of in 3 surgeries. You'll need time to recover in between each one, at least a day. At the end of it all I suspect you'll need to regenerate for at least a week but I won't know until I'm done.”

“Okay,” Seven agreed. She didn't like the idea of being away from her work for so long but she wanted to do this. Kathryn wanted her to do this.

“It will be worth it,” the Doctor said, placing a hand on her shoulder. “I guarantee it.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” she said with a smile. “I'll see you in the morning.”

 

 

 

When Seven left her quarters after their date, Kathryn felt herself smiling like a fool. She straightened up her living area then decided to go soak in the tub while she waited to hear from Seven. She started the water then hailed Chakotay while she waited for the tub to fill.

“Janeway to Chakotay.”

“Chakotay here. Everything alright Captain?”

“Yes Commander. Are you on the Bridge?”

“I'm in the Ready Room going over the duty roster.”

“So you're alone.”

“Yes Captain.”

“I may take the day off tomorrow. Seven's having some surgery done and I want to be there with her.”

“Is she okay?”

“Nothing life threatening, well not exactly. It's difficult to explain. A problem with her cortical node that's been impeding her emotions. I just...Seven and I have come to the conclusion that we care a lot about one another and we're going to start a relationship once she's recovered from her surgery.”

“Oh? It sounds like you already have,” he said and she could hear the smile in his voice. “You're going to sit and hold her hand during surgery.”

“Yes well...I expect this to stay between us, Commander, at least for now. Understand?”

“Of course, Captain. Don't worry about a thing.”

“Thank you, Commander. Janeway out.”

She went back into the bathroom to find the tub full of bubbly water. She stepped out of her heels and kicked them off. She placed her combadge on the side of the tub then slipped her dress off.

She sank down into the warm water with a pleasant sigh. She loved baths. She wondered if Seven had ever enjoyed a bath. No doubt she would think it an 'inefficient method of getting clean'. But maybe one day she could convince Seven to take a bath with her. She could show the beautiful Borg how to _really_ enjoy a bath.

She had been soaking for a while and was dozing slightly when her combadge chirped.

“Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway.”

She grabbed her combadge from the side of the tub.

“Janeway here,” she said, leaning back into the tub.

“Did I wake you, Kathryn?”

“No. I'm actually enjoying a soak in my tub.”

There was a long silence before Seven spoke again.

“You are naked?” she asked finally.

“Well yes, Seven, people usually are naked when they take baths,” she answered with a chuckle and when Seven was silent again she asked. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, Kathryn. Just...thinking of you in the bath caused an unusual lack of moisture in my mouth.”

“That's normal,” she assured her, amused and flattered. “...Where are you right now?”

“In the Cargo Bay. Sitting on the dais which contains my alcove. The Doctor will begin the surgery at 06:00.”

“That's good. I'll meet you in Sick Bay a little before then. I already let Chakotay know.”

“You told him about us?”

“I suppose I did,” she admitted. “He won't tell anyone else, though. I trust him to keep it to himself.”

“I told the Doctor. I trust him as well. I did not want him to continue thinking it was Chakotay I am interested in.”

“I don't see how he could have ever believed that,” Kathryn said, shaking her head. “I didn't believe it for a second. You've never showed the slightest interest in Chakotay.”

“He was a safe choice, I thought.”

“I'm glad I won't have to explain to the Doctor why I'm coming to hold your hand tomorrow,” she said with a smile.

There was a brief silence between them.

“...Kathryn?”

“Yes Seven?”

“I find myself reluctant to regenerate,” she said. “I wish to remain talking to you.”

“I know what you mean. I wish you were here with me.”

“In your bath?”

“Maybe,” she said, feeling herself blush. “...I was imagining it earlier.”

“You were imagining me in the bath with you...naked?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

“I...I would like that, I think,” she replied. “...If it wasn't for my cortical node, I could be there now.”

“I wish you could be. I wish I could feel your skin, wet and slick against mine,” Kathryn said, her voice low and husky.

On the other end of the combadge, Seven made an odd sound, like a strangled moan.

“Seven? Are you okay?” she asked, concerned.

“Y-yes. I...reacted strongly to the sound of your voice. Or to what you said. Or both.”

“Your cortical node?” she asked worriedly, feeling a surge of guilt.

“No, not my cortical node...other parts of my body.”

“Oh?” Kathryn said, intrigued.

“My nipples hardened and there is wetness between my legs.”

“Oh,” she moaned softly, letting one of her hands dip beneath the water to caress herself. “Mine too.”

“You are in the bathtub, Kathryn, of course there is wetness between your legs.”

“Yes but that is not the source of this wetness.”

Seven made the odd moan again and Kathryn smiled.

“I wish I was with you, Kathryn,” Seven said throatily and Kathryn wondered if she were touching herself too. “I ache to be touched by you, to kiss you...”

“You do? Do you want me to touch your breasts? Take them in my hands and knead them...pinch your nipples between my fingers...”

“Kathryn,” she gasped softly. “Yes...”

“Oh Seven...I shouldn't be teasing you like this while you're in the Cargo Bay. What if someone comes in?”

“I engaged a privacy lock before hailing you.”

“What if your cortical node shuts down? We should wait...”

“You are probably right,” she said, sounding reluctantly.

“I'm sorry, honey. ...You should try to regenerate. It will be morning before you know it.”

“And I will see you.”

“Yes.”

“You should sleep too, Kathryn, if you plan to be up early.”

“I will soon. Goodnight Seven. Sweet dreams.”

“Sweet dreams, Kathryn.”

 

 

Kathryn didn't sleep well that night although that was hardly unusual. When she did sleep she dreamt of Seven, dreams that left her frustrated. She dragged herself out of bed at 05:30, dressed in her uniform, and sucked down a cup of coffee. She grabbed a second cup and headed down to Sick Bay.

Seven was already there when she arrived. She was wearing the blue Sick Bay pajamas and Kathryn thought no one had ever looked as cute in them as Seven did. Seven's cheeks turned faintly pink when Kathryn smiled at her. The Doctor chuckled knowingly.

“Good morning, Captain,” he said without turning around.

“Good morning, Doctor,” she said, approaching the biobed. “Seven, how are you feeling?”

“I am experiencing some anxiety,” she admitted. “And guilt because this means leaving my post for so long.”

“Icheb and Harry can handle things in Astrometrics. As for your anxiety, maybe I can help,” she said, picking up Seven's hand and squeezing it. Seven met her gaze and for a moment they just stared at one another. Then they noticed the Doctor scanning Seven with a tricorder.

“Fascinating,” he said.

“Do you mind?” Kathryn asked, scowling slightly.

“Actually this gives me a bit of useful information. I can see the way her brain is reacting in your presence and the way her cortical node is responding,” he said.

“I suppose if it helps,” she sighed, looking back to Seven who was blushing again. She set her coffee down and touched Seven's cheek gently, wanting to reassure her.

“Fascinating,” the Doctor said again. “Already there is a disruption in her cerebral cortex. Are you dizzy, Seven?”

“Yes,” she admitted.

Kathryn dropped her hand from Seven's face, not wanting to cause her any discomfort, but Seven grabbed her hand and brought it back to her face. She rubbed her cheek along Kathryn's hand lightly, then kissed her hand.

“Fascinating! Your neocortex-”

“Stop,” Seven said, waving his tricorder away in annoyance. “It is not fascinating. It is obnoxious and inefficient. Can we proceed with the surgery?”

“Of course. I'm sorry, Seven. I'll prepare your sedative,” he said, walking away.

“It'll be okay,” Kathryn said, beginning to feel a bit anxious herself.

“It will. It will be worth it,” Seven said with a faint smile. “When I am recovered I will take you up on the idea of our taking a bath together.”

Kathryn felt herself blush. The Doctor came out of his office with a hypospray and looked at her curiously.

“In 6 years I don't think I've ever seen you blush, Captain,” he remarked.

“My command training usually lets me control things like that,” she said with a laugh, rubbing her face.

“Are you ready, Seven?” he asked.

The blonde nodded and lay back on the biobed. Kathryn went around to the other side and found a chair waiting for her. She sat and took Seven's hand again. Seven turned her head to look at her as the Doctor pressed the hypospray to her neck.

“Will you smile again, Captain?” Seven murmured sleepily as the sedative started to work. Kathryn smiled at her and stroked the back of her hand gently with her thumb.

“Sweet dreams, Seven,” she said softly.

“Sweet...Kathryn...”

And her blue eyes closed.

Kathryn sat silently by Seven's side while the Doctor worked. She didn't ask questions, not wanting to distract him and risk him making a mistake on her young love.

Love. The word echoed in her mind as she gazed at Seven's unconscious form. She loved Seven of Nine. She had wanted to tell her before she went under but had been too embarrassed with the Doctor there.

It wasn't that her feelings for Seven embarrassed her, but she'd always been a private person. And when she told her she loved her for the first time, she didn't want anyone else around.

She didn't doubt Seven felt the same way. It was obvious it wasn't just a crush. Her feelings were so strong they nearly killed her. Literally.

Kathryn didn't know when exactly she had fallen in love with Seven of Nine. On some level maybe she'd always loved her. When she went aboard the cube to negotiate with the Borg and they'd sent Seven as a proxy...from that moment she knew there was something about her. Something special.

Working to help Seven regain her humanity had been an emotional roller coaster. She felt every one of Seven's triumphs and failures as if they were her own. She'd never been so proud of anyone else's accomplishments. She'd never loved anyone the way she loved Seven.

The Doctor worked on Seven for several hours before laying his instruments aside.

“She needs rest before I can continue. Her body has to adapt to the adjustments I've made and I'll need to monitor her closely. If all goes well I'll start again tomorrow morning,” he said.

“So she has to stay here?”

“I'm afraid so.”

“How long will she sleep?”

“The sedative should last a few more hours. Then I'll have the joy of trying to keep her here when she'll stubbornly try to work no doubt.”

“I'll be here with her, that should help. I'm going to go to my quarters and grab some books and I'll be right back.”

Kathryn returned as quickly as she could with several books and another cup of coffee. The Doctor had activated a privacy screen around the biobed Seven was on.

“I didn't think you'd want every crewman who comes through here to see you holding your girlfriend's hand, Captain,” he explained.

 _Girlfriend!_ Kathryn thought, surprised, then realized that was exactly what she was.

“Uh, thank you, Doctor,” she said as she took her seat beside Seven.

“What is that your third cup of coffee, Captain?”

“Fourth,” she answered calmly.

“It's not even noon!”

` “I'm here for Seven, Doctor, not for you to scold me.”

“Fine. I'll be in my office if you need anything.”

The Doctor left and Kathryn settled in with her book. She was halfway through a book of poems when Seven began to stir. Kathryn ear-marked her book and stood, taking Seven's hand in hers.

“Ca-Captain?” she said groggily.

“I'm right here, sweetheart.”

“Kathryn. My head hurts,” she groaned.

“Do you want me to get the Doctor?”

“No, it's okay. Do I have to stay here?” she asked, starting to sit up but then laying back with a slight grimace.

“Afraid so. Just try to rest, okay?”

Seven nodded slightly. Kathryn sat back down and picked up her book.

“What are you reading, Kathryn?” Seven asked, turning on her side to look at her.

“A book of old poems. Would you like me to read to you?”

“That would be acceptable.”

Kathryn smiled and flipped open the book.

“This is from the 19th century. Lord Byron,” she said and began to read.

“ _She walks in beauty, like the night_

_Of cloudless climes and starry skies,_

_And all that's best of dark and bright_

_Meets in her aspect and her eyes;_

_Thus mellow'd to that tender light_

_Which Heaven to gaudy day denies._

_One shade the more, one ray the less,_

_Had half impair'd the nameless grace_

_Which waves in every raven tress_

_Or softly lightens o'er her face,_

_Where thoughts serenely sweet express_

_How pure, how dear their dwelling-place._

_And on that cheek and o'er that brow_

_So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,_

_The smiles that win, the tints that glow,_

_But tell of days in goodness spent,_

_A mind at peace with all below,_

_A heart whose love is innocent.”_

 

“Beautiful,” Seven murmured, her eyelids fluttering sleepily. Kathryn reached out and stroked her pale cheek.

“You are beautiful,” she whispered.

She wanted to say it then, but Seven's eyes were closed and she wasn't sure she would hear her.

 

Seven was in and out of consciousness for the next few days. Even when she was out of it she knew when Kathryn was with her. She left sometimes, no doubt needed on the Bridge, but she always came back. When Seven was awake Kathryn would read to her or tell her stories about Earth. Sometimes when she woke Kathryn would be asleep, her head resting beside her on the biobed. In those moments Seven would just watch her. Kathryn's face was even more beautiful as she slept, her gray eyes hidden behind pale eyelids and long lashes. Her dark lips slightly parted, close enough that Seven could feel the warmth of her breath as she exhaled soft snores, could smell the sweet scent of her breath tinged with coffee. Her auburn hair askew across her face. Seven would just stare at it, thinking it was the most beautiful color in the universe.

She wondered if maybe she were delusional or delirious from the surgical procedure. She loved Kathryn, she desired her, she knew that, but she had never felt quite so enamored before. But even if she were crazy, it didn't feel like a bad thing. Not in the least.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now for the part I do best: I'll be in my femslash dumpster~ <3 Queerdinary

Seven knew she was dreaming. She had, after all, dreamed before, and quite complexly too in the unimatrix. This was fundamentally different. All was magnified ; it was as if every colour was supersaturated every thought- each passing fancy- loud enough to shake her teeth... And it was all about Kathryn.  
  
Before, it had been as if she watched herself from afar, separated by transparent aluminum from her feelings. She could see them, examine them impersonally and allow them to drift by. Inconsequential. Now trapped inside her own skull she was no longer detached. The calm dissociation she was so familiar with, so frustrated and stymied by, was suddenly erased. She dreamed of every encounter she'd had with her Captain- light glinting off her hair, her perfume lingering behind her, the cut of her trim build in her uniform- and she was immersed in the most intimate and explicit completion of her fantasies. She imagined waking up in bed with Kathryn, the flutter of the woman's eyelashes against her own skin still damp- she imagined how Kathryn might feel- tight around her fingers- or how maybe Kathryn would touch her -firmly-would growl at her in that delicious commanding tone that Seven now realized would completely undo her. The intensity was startling. Her own wants, desires that she had not been able to express properly even to herself were asserting themselves with mounting urgency. Vicious insistence. She must wake up, she must wake up now and feel Kathryn's mouth on hers, her small frame secured against her side. Must touch and taste and be touched and tasted- _Now. Loving-Love. I love her. I will demonstrate this- I can demonstrate this._ **Now**.  
  
“Regeneration cycle terminated.”

*~*  
  
Janeway turned another battered, and well loved page of her book- a collection of poetry- and looked up at Seven for the third time in as many minutes. She sighed, and rolled her eyes at her own foolishness.

Chakotay, sensing her unease had been on the hunt for a nice M class planet since the operations began. He said he wanted a calm place where the crew could get some much deserved R&R.... She appreciated that it was as much as to get the crew out of her hair while she waited in the cargo bay, as it was for the crew to not have to deal with her breathing down their necks.  
  
Kathryn knew that she could be.. ornery. She had nearly tanned the hide of an ensign who'd turned a corner to quick and knocked into her, sending her coffee to the ground. Never mind that she was on the wrong side of the hall, walking too fast, with her head buried in a data PAD. She had been restless, not sleeping for the first two days of Seven's protracted recovery- and she had been roaming the halls like a tiger let off an over short lead. Anything that was wrong, a loose power coupling- hell a loose ceiling tile- had made her shit list and had required immediate attention. She knew that this probably hadn't been the best behavior to have adopted if she wanted to be discreet about her burgeoning relationship but a solid part of her couldn't be bothered to care. Keeping the relationship quiet would be using energy she should be directing into being the best Captain she could be, not running around in secret.

 

She hadn't been completely oblivious to the tolerant looks and smiles that the crew exchanged while she upbraided someone for a minor infraction. They had a knack of reading her, and they could feel that she wasn't truly angry- they would know, would tremble if she leveled the right glare. They knew she was anxious and forgave her for it. Would be grateful actually, because the planet that Harry and Chakotay had found was a pristine gem, and everyone was looking forward for a bit of a lie in and few lazy days.

 

Kathryn knew she didn't really have to be in the bay now, Seven was scheduled to finish her cycle in another day, for a total of 5, earlier than the doctor had first thought. Kathryn sighed, and knew she shouldn't be greedy. Janeway had found that when she was trying to to do anything anywhere else on the ship her mind wandered back to the cargo bay- she might as well just set up a work station there and be done with it she had berated herself... but once the idea was planted in her head, it didn't sound so bad, so it was what she had done. A small desk, a few pads and coffee cups completed her makeshift work space and just as she would in her ready room, she let her thoughts go back to Seven.  
  
Kathryn was a little hesitant about how Seven would react to the operations. She was unbearably nervous that with the removal of the implant Seven would no longer want her, would realize that she had stronger feelings for someone else. That maybe the feelings she did have for Kathryn were weak, were a passing interest, an infatuation that would evaporate once Seven had a grasp on what her emotions were. She stared at Sevens face as she regenerated, a guilty pleasure she'd developed and had no plans of stopping.

As if in response to her gaze, the alcove started to chirp, Seven stirred and Kathryn was immediately on her feet. She rushed to the screen, and as she scanned the diagnostic report trying to suss out if some terrible reaction was occurring she heard the chime “Regeneration Cycle, Terminated” .

 

She turned, casting a quick glance over her shoulder to see if Seven was alright, and  frozen.  
  
_Oh gods. She's looking at me like I'm water in a desert. Oh. Oh this could be good. This will be so good. If only_...  
  
“Seven, honey, how do you feel?”  
  
Seven stepped out of the alcove, her posture and bearing not betraying any internal changes. She kept her arms behind her back as she paced forwards and stopped directly behind Kathryn. Kathryn turned to face her, and watched as a grin sliced through the other woman's calm deportment.

 

“How do I feel? I feel completely.”

Kathryn chuckled slightly, hoping to mask her trepidation, “I mean, Seven, are you well? Do you think everything is alright-”  
  
“I feel completely alright.” She moved a hand from behind her back and lifted it to cup Kathryn's cheek, to brush her thumb along Kathryn's mouth. Involuntarily Kathryn closed her eyes and let Seven gather her into a loose embrace. Her pulse was hammering in her throat and she burned to touch Seven to feel her - her touch. The risk of harm was still very real, and she didn't want to move to fast, to rush-  
  
“I dreamed of you.” The hot exhalation in her ear turned her knees to water.

“D-did you now?” She managed to find her voice.

“Yes. Exclusively. I dreamed of this...”  
  
Seven took Kathryn chin in her hand and tilted her head up, slanting her mouth over Kathryn's thin lips and kissing her. Soundly. Seven groaned into her. She couldn't stop her self. The information was absolute, overwhelming and delicious. There was no barrier, no abstracted filter between the scent of this woman, the taste of her mouth, and herself. It was freedom, terrifying delicious freedom. She felt her stomach drop pleasantly- somewhere near her knees as Kathryn came alive in her arms. Narrow fingers worked their way into her hair, tightened reflexively- tighten, enough so that Seven was sure it was not her knees that her stomach had fallen to. It was between her legs, fluttering and aching and hot. Her chest felt warm, and tight and full as if a thousand winged creatures were fighting to crack open her sternum and sing out to Kathryn, to sing for Kathryn.

 

“And this,” she gasped into Kathryn's neck, taking a bit of skin between her teeth, nipping it until she heard the sound she wanted, “I dreamed of this too.”  
  
She ran her hands down Kathryn's back, to grab at her ass, to pull her against her and simply _feel,_ to revel in being able to touch. And then, suddenly, to touch meant no barriers; just as she was no longer separated from her feelings, she must not be separated from Kathryn's skin. She tugged at the command tunic, expertly removing it, after all, she'd imagined doing this exact motion only 23.3 seconds previously. She knew how to do it and Kathryn was nothing if not willing. She was eagerly responding to each caress and it was so much better, so much sweeter and more marvelous than anything the holographic simulation could offer her. Seven groaned again and found herself curiously relieved of her clothes, she had not noticed Kathryn's disrobing her. She had been so focused on Kathryn mouth.

 

“Seven, I've dreamed of you too.”

Kathryn leaned in and took one of Sevens earlobes into her mouth, between her teeth, and slid her body up against Seven's. She was the softest of silks. Seven was tall and strong and wonderful and wanted her, really wanted her, loved her even. She tried to order herself, tried to marshal some of her 'Fleet training self-restraint but it was simply absent. Blown out the airlock- with, apparently her clothes, which were somehow gone, not that she was going to complain. Not with Sevens hands along her back, stroking, kneading her shoulders, her lower back and...lower too. She moaned as Seven's fingers dug into her ass with a promising pressure, and she snaked her hands down from around her neck to rest against Seven's breasts. She weighed them in her hands, tried to slow herself down, but her mouth was on the dusky nipples even as Seven hoisted her up and braced her against the edge of the console. Without over thinking it, she wrapped her legs around Seven and locked her ankles around the woman's back. Thinking was apparently just a concept she was no longer subscribing to.

Seven's nostrils flared as Kathryn pulled her close with toned legs. She could smell her lover's arousal and it made her mouth dry- it also made her mouth water, it made her feel like a drop in the ocean- an ocean that was completely alive and who's tide was governed by the woman in her arms. Kathryn's mouth was on her chest and she coiled her fingers in her red hair. Seven could see hundreds of her fantasies playing out further than she'd ever dared, right there in front of her. She had imagined she would make love with her captain, it seemed like a matter of course, and something that she had concluded she would enjoy. That had been before the inhibitor; now she could hardly breathe but for wanting, but for joy and something raw and hot. The emotional weight pressed down on her- no, pressed _up_ on her fingers that were circling Kathryn's sex. An impossible feeling of love seemed to grip her and she needed to taste Kathryn's lips.

 

With one hand braced behind Kathryn on the console, and the other working slowly, diligently, terrifically between their bodies, she tried to speak. The sound of her own voice was different to her, different but not unpleasant over the sound of skin on skin.  
  
“Kathryn, I love you. Let me kiss you.”

 

“Anything, I'd let you do anything,” Kathryn whispered against her mouth and Seven considered the implications of that statement; She found it thrilled her to her core. Kathryn spoke again, after they parted for air, “Anything Seven, but lets go home- up to my quarters,” she started to move but Seven decided she would not allow that.  
  
“These are my quarters Kathryn.” She scraped her teeth along a straining tendon in Kathryn's neck, licked at a trickle of sweat along her collarbone, “I have imagined you here, in my quarters, begging for me. I did not know before what I wanted you to beg for. I know now.” Seven angled her hand differently, ground her own hips against the back of her hand as she thrust her fingers up- Kathryn's head fell back and Seven felt just as full in her heart as she knew Kathryn did in her cunt.  
  
“Yes, that is it. This is what I require from you. Kiss me again.”

 

Kathryn's head was spinning. She tried to do as Seven bid her, but the rhythm stroking into her was making conscious act just this side of difficult. She tunneled one hand back into Seven's now thoroughly mussed hair and used the other to touch her anyway she could. She could smell Seven, her own sweat the scent of hot metal-the workshop in the cargo bay and _damnit_ if that didn't arouse her even more. She could feel the bite of the podium against the backs of her thighs- she couldn't bring herself to care, not while Seven was doing, well whatever mind numbing thing she was currently doing with her hand. She felt vaguely ashamed of how on display she was, but instead of alarming her, she felt the embarrassment fuel her desire. She pulled her mouth off of Seven's long enough to suck in a few ragged, gasping breaths against Sevens shoulder.

“ You f-feel so...so good inside of me. I love you, Seven.”

 

“That pleases me.” Sevens words drifted into her pleasure addled mind and she rocked her hips to match a gradually increasing pace. “You please me. Allow me please you.”

 

Kathryn felt her toes curl and her body start to tense. This hadn't been exactly how she imagined Seven's first time with her, she had, perhaps foolishly thought that Seven would need some seduction, would be unsure- And instead, here was this woman, six feet plus of gorgeous sex goddess blowing her apart like the fucking big bang. How could she possibly refuse?

  
“Yes. Yes. Anything Seven, anything you want.”

“You keep saying 'anything', Kathryn,” Seven's voice was thick, crackling with arousal and the strain of her actions, “Anything I want? I want you to come. Anything? I want _you_. Anything? Come in the palm of my hand.”

 _How could I possibly refuse_?

 

Seven's pulse was roaring in her ears, she could still vaguely feel the electric current from the port that connected to her alcove- a side affect from early termination- however, the sensation was clearly not centered there any longer. It seemed to pool from her sacrum, to seep straight into her swollen sex. Her skin felt tight as if she was coiled, a wound spring ready to burst with kinetic energy. She spoke: She heard herself egging Kathryn on, and her own word choice almost surprised her. She'd never been able to express this, to even play it out as a thought experiment and now it seem like a blessing-a statistical improbability so miraculous, tears pricked the corners of her eyes.

  
She heard Kathryn's cry of release, muffled as her blunt teeth sunk into her shoulder, gnashing against an implant on her bicep. She pressed her self forward again, felt a small rush of fluid that she gathered accompanied Kathryn's climax. The slick smoothness it sent against her clit rubbing along the back of her hand was more than sufficient enough to bring her over the edge as well. She closed her eyes shut tight, and held Kathryn close to her, willing to make one flesh, to work her way under Kathryn's skin and make a home for herself there. She stilled, and felt tensions ease from her body, she came down off of her tiptoes. Seven tried to settle her weight back on her heels with mixed results and laughed feeling pleasantly drunk. She felt giddy and light. She felt like she could solve every problem with temporal mechanics and slipstream navigation with a break to fight species 874 -- love Kathryn again, ingest something for sustenance and take a quick nap- all before lunch.

  
She freed her fingers and took both hands to cup Kathryn's face, kissing her, kissing each one of her freckles. Whether it was a conscious decision on Kathryn's part or not, the fact that her legs were still wrapped tight around her gratified Seven. She felt invincible, complete, achingly happy- and as Kathryn returned her kiss with a languid flick of her tongue- Seven realized she was still aroused. The idea that this could happen, with minimal refractory period hadn't occurred to her, and suddenly the sinuous roll of Kathryn's hips against her abdomen took on a distinctly intriguing appeal. She moaned into the kiss.  
  
“I love you,” Kathryn held Seven tightly, half afraid she might be vividly hallucinating, and she couldn't really rely on her common sense to tell her otherwise because she had apparently left it somewhere scattered on the deck with their discarded clothes. “I love you Seven, but I don't think I can go again.” She kissed her slowly, then immediately clarified “ Not against the console, that is.”  
  
Seven was lifting her down slowly and it took her a moment to figure out how to work her legs again. They held onto each other, both a bit unsteady, and Kathryn looked up into Sevens eyes. She couldn't help but laugh at herself.

 

“Did we just- in the cargo bay-”

  
Seven's smug grin, the hungry glint in her eyes had her chuckles trail into a muted sigh of want.

  
“Yes, we did. I do not believe you even locked the doors.” Kathryn blanched slightly and Seven kissed her lightly on the forehead. “Kathryn, the operation was a success.”  
She found herself laughing again, feeling a spike of arousal as she observed Seven bend over to pick up their clothes.

 

“The doctors surgery or your seduction of the captain?” Kathryn quipped.

 

Seven leveled a look that was almost coy, over her shoulder as she began to shrug on her suit, “Both Kathryn. You know I am quite efficient.”

 

Kathryn couldn't help herself, she stepped forward and fitted herself along the curve of Sevens back, encircling her narrow waist with her arms. She kissed Seven's skin, and murmured against her shoulder blades. “You're spectacularly efficient, wonderfully efficient, skillfully-”  
  
“If you cease to thwart my efforts in clothing myself, I will accompany you to your cabin for another demonstration of my _efficiency_.” Seven's voice was filled with promise and undeniable affection.

 

Kathryn felt her breath catch in her throat. “I- I would love that Seven.”  
  
“As I love you. Now, dress. I do not think the crew deserves to see you naked in the halls.”

  
Seven smiled at Kathryn, who was flustered as she took her offered clothes and dressed with haste. She knelt down to assist Kathryn with her boots, and as she fastened the last clasp, and flicked her eyes up she knew she had made the right choice. She stood slowly and offered Kathryn her hand.  
  
“Take me home?”  
  
“I most certainly will.”

 


End file.
